We also get King Minos recruiting Daedalus ( Eva Robins) to create monsters to kill Hercules, which may sound cool but when it comes to monsters the people at Cannon Films and Golan-Globus are not known for putting their money where their mouth is.
The film does try to hang the whole thing together with a quest to save the kidnapped princess Cassiopeia ( Ingrid Anderson) from being sacrificed by King Minos but we don’t get much time with Hercules and Cassiopeia together – they briefly meet while he’s performing only one of the Twelve Labours of Hercules – and their “love story” is thinner than this film’s grasp on Greek mythology.
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There really isn’t much of a plot to this movie as it mainly consists of episodic adventures with Hercules encountering various antagonists and none of them making much sense.
“Hera, will you please just get over yourself.” Hercules ( Lou Ferrigno) is raised by some kindly farmers and becomes big and strong, despite Hera’s numerous attempts to kill him, which brings up the question “Why is Hera so bent on killing Hercules?” In the myth, Hercules was the product of one of Zeus’ many infidelities so you can understand Hera not caring for the guy but in this movie he was simply a way to balance the scales and Hera is acting all evil for no apparent reason. Lucky for Greece, a chambermaid escaped with the infant prince and placed little Hercules in a small boat that drifts down the river, because if we aren’t worried about getting Greek mythology right why not throw in the story of Moses as well. Ten minutes in and this film will most likely have sent every Greek scholar screaming from the room but it only gets “better” from here as we then get the dastardly King Minos ( William Berger) and his evil daughter Ariadne ( Sybil Danning) orchestrating to overthrow the King and Queen of Thebes by stealing their magic sword and murdering them in their beds. Were the Greek gods time-sharing with The Inhumans? We are then told that “The first beings that the mists of creation offered forth were not men, they were of the supremists and became gods, they claimed the moon as their home, there to deliberate and decide the ultimate fate of mankind and all that lived.” On the moon we find Zeus ( Claudio Cassinelli), Athena ( Delia Boccardo) and Hera ( Rossana Podestà) discussing the issue of Pandora’s Jar breaking – as the Jar breaking resulted in the birth of the gods I’m not sure why this issue is just coming up now – and Zeus is concerned that “With Pandora’s Jar broken all the forces of evil are let loose” and he believes that there needs to be a balance, to which Athena suggest “If you don’t want to equalize the powers of all men then why don’t you increase those of one.” And with that irrefutable piece of logic, Zeus creates Hercules and impregnates the Queen of Thebes with his sperm of pure light. It looks like Pandora’s Box came from Spencer’s Gift not the dawn of time. Basically, even a person with the briefest knowledge of Greek mythology will have a problem with that opening narration. Chaos merged with darkness and from this union were born the elements night, day, matter and air.” Despite only one of those being actual "elements" the narrator goes on to explain how from of all this Pandora’s Jar emerged and when it broke the fragments became the planets in the solar system.
From the primordial explosion there emerged the fire of chaos. The movie opens with a narrator explaining the creation of the Universe “In the beginning, before creation, there was darkness. There have been many Hercules movies released over the years but the one produced by Cannon Films and Golan-Globus is by far the most entertainingly bad entries in the genre, in fact, I’d say that the 1983 Hercules exists solely for the purpose of making Disney animated Hercules feel a little better about itself for how fast and lose it ran with the mythology.
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